Expert warns: Children's own judgment is not enough when predators strike on social media
Social media played a role when a 15-year-old girl from Hedensted disappeared and was found in Hungary. An expert in digital abuse has a number of tips for concerned parents.
Children cannot judge for themselves whether contacts on social media are good or bad, so parents should have the conversation with their children when the child gets access to being online, according to the recommendation from Save the Children. Archive photo. (Photo: © Liselotte Sabroe, Ritzau Scanpix)
By Søren Rahbek ([email protected]) 8 minutes ago
It was via social media that a suspected 22-year-old man from Hungary made contact with a 15-year-old girl from Hedensted and, with the help of an unknown accomplice, transported the girl to Hungary.
This is according to a press release from a Hungarian court, which has remanded the 22-year-old in custody.
Read also: 22-year-old Hungarian man remanded in custody in case of 15-year-old Danish girl (https://www.dr.dk/nyheder/indland/22-aarig-ungarsk-mand-varetaegtsfaengslet-i-sag-om-15-aarig-dansk-pige)
According to the press release, the man had established a relationship with the girl with the intention of later committing sexual crimes against her.
A phenomenon also known as grooming.
At Save the Children, psychologist Mia Lind Winther is an expert in digital abuse at the SletDet counselling service, and she has a number of tips for parents who are worried about what can happen to their children when they are online.
(Photo: © Ida Guldbæk Arentsen, Ritzau Scanpix)
First and foremost, it is important to talk to children about what they experience.
- We actually recommend that you have the conversation the moment you have decided that your child will be online, because it is a new arena your child is about to navigate, she says.
- This is to support that the conversation about what happens online, what the child experiences, or who the child is contacted by, becomes a completely natural and integrated part of the conversations you have with your child, says Mia Lind Winther.
Save the Children's own surveys show (https://redbarnet.dk/nyheder/ny-undersogelse-to-ud-af-tre-born-og-unge-oplever-digitale-kraenkelser/) that two out of three children and young people between the ages of 9 and 17 experience something unpleasant or directly offensive online within a year.
Another tip is that parents should be cautious about relying solely on the child's own judgment.
According to Mia Lind Winther, digital platforms make it easier for adults to get close to children.
- The design that exists online makes it possible for adults to gain both very close knowledge of children and young people's interests, and actually also to gain direct access to the communities that children and young people are part of, she says.
It is also easy for adults to appear as if they are the same age as the child. This can make the situation difficult for children to assess.
- You should be a bit cautious about relying on the child's judgment as the only protective factor. Because what characterizes cases of grooming is that they start as completely innocent contacts.
- A child can experience a contact from a stranger as something positive, she says.
(Photo: © Ida Marie Odgaard, Ritzau Scanpix)
It can be a good idea to talk to your child about which platforms they use.
Mia Lind Winther mentions, among others, the conversation platform Discord, gaming platforms like Roblox and Fortnite, and social media like TikTok and Instagram.
- The point is that children can be contacted where they are. And we see a pattern where the contact moves from open conversation environments to closed dialogue forums like Messenger, SMS, and WhatsApp, she says.
But one platform appears repeatedly in the inquiries the SletDet counselling service receives.
- It is particularly Snapchat, which accounts for half of the platforms we receive inquiries about, says Mia Lind Winther.
The contact between the abuser and the child can develop to include secrets.
- As a parent, you may experience that your child perhaps isolates themselves and prefers to be alone with their phone, so that you as a parent do not have free and direct access to what is happening, she says.
A final tip for worried parents is to stay calm.
- We always recommend interest and care before control and surveillance, says Mia Lind Winther.
And parents should be aware that their own worries are contagious.
- The children who contact us in the counselling service say, among other things, that they do not want to worry their parents and therefore may be reluctant to share some of the experiences they have, she says.
She emphasizes that her advice is general and does not relate to the specific case of the 15-year-old girl who disappeared from her home and turned up in Hungary.
But one point applies in all cases where a child is contacted by a person with malicious intent.
- It is never the child's fault. It is the abuser who has misused the trust the child showed, and therefore the responsibility lies solely with the abuser, says Mia Lind Winther.
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