Expert: Stop judging parents who hand over children during holidays

Taking Time Off: Stop Judging Parents Who Send Their Children to Daycare During Summer Vacation

Expert: Stop Judging Parents Who Send Their Children to Daycare During Summer Vacation

Karina Viktoria Bøje Fruensgaard used to feel ill when she saw a daycare group out on a field trip in July. But after following a daycare for a year, the lecturer in pedagogical anthropology has changed her mind.

Karina Viktoria Bøje Fruensgaard prioritizes using her weekends with her daughters, Lea, 4, and Mollie, 6. According to Lea, it's best when mom is home. (Photo: Simon Heegaard Larsen, DR) 38 minutes ago

When is it okay to leave your child at daycare?

Is it only if you yourself are working?

Or is illness in the family, renovation, or a crying baby at home a valid reason?

And what if parents are just busy and need some free time during good summer weather?

There are many opinions on when it is okay to be away without children, and Kristina Haugaard experiences it as an inner dilemma.

- Sometimes I can certainly want to, but it gives me a bad conscience. It doesn't come from the daycare workers, but it's an inner pressure to feel that if I'm home, I should be with my children.

She is the mother of Emilie, 5, and Oskar, 3, and when she leaves them at daycare in Skovby near Aarhus, it's never to have free time without them.

Kristina Haugaard is the mother of two. A free day for her means a free day for her children. (Photo: private photo)

- My husband sometimes says that I might be a happier mother with a free day, and that the children wouldn't even know it. But it always ends with us all taking a day off, even though it might be a good investment.

And when she takes her children to daycare in July, she thinks about what others might think.

- Today, when I drop off my children and have to go to work, I can certainly think about whether someone thinks I'm just taking a vacation.

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Parents Have Good Reasons

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According to Dil Bach, who is a lecturer in pedagogical anthropology at the Danish Institute for Pedagogics and Education at Aarhus University, there is a clear consensus in society about when children should be at daycare and when they should not.

- There is a clear understanding that it is the wrong choice to send children away during the summer. It seems strange, and it is low status. Parents are perceived as those who either don't have better options or prioritize incorrectly.

And the explanation is found in societal norms, says she.

- It is the norm that one should be very close to one's children, and that children should be the focus. One should have companionship and closeness, so sending one's children to an institution during the summer holidays is seen as choosing one's children and as an expression of being a bad parent.

But parents do not necessarily have to have a bad conscience, even if they leave their children at daycare during the summer holidays, says Dil Bach. The message we are sending back is that they don't have to.

Dil Bach, lecturer in pedagogical anthropology and researcher at the Danish Institute for Pedagogics and Education at Aarhus University. (Photo: private photo)

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A New Attitude Towards Small Yellow Vests

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Dil Bach has actually stood on the street and thought about it when she saw a daycare group out on a field trip in July.

- I thought it was wrong. They should be at home and cozy with the family. They shouldn't be in that institutional group in small yellow vests. I felt sad and a little sad when I saw them.

But she no longer feels that way. Together with a colleague, she has followed one daycare in all summer vacation periods for a year, talking to both staff, parents, and children. Their study will be published first in September, but DR and Weekendavisen have been given permission to read it in advance.

And now it is clear to the researchers that parents can have many good reasons for leaving, even if they are not working. In some cases, it can even be a good idea, says Dil Bach.

- It is not necessarily surprising that it is better to stay home if one's parents have a thousand other things to take care of. Sick grandparents, a baby in the family, a house that needs to be renovated, and so on.

Therefore, it often ends with unmet expectations, disappointments, and conflicts, because daycare parents do not have the necessary surplus. And that clashes with the ideal image of summer vacation as joy and harmony. An image that Dil Bach also once had.

And that's why an alternative can be better.

- In the daycare's summer vacation periods, we discovered that there is a completely different framework than in the daily routine. In the summer, it is actually the daycare that we all dream of with pedagogues who have time for the children. So the children still have summer vacation from the daily routine, even though they are in the institution.

* I can certainly imagine that it might be easier to get things done if the children aren't at home, but I just want to spend my free time with my daughters, says Karina Viktoria Bøje Fruensgaard, mother of Lea, 4, and Mollie, 6.

* In general, we are a little too good at keeping an eye on what others do or don't do. As an adult, one can certainly use some adult time in between, so sometimes it would be nice to leave the children and just have oneself to think about. But if we need a break, it's usually the grandparents we use. It gives both the children and the grandparents something, says Mick Villadsen, father of Ida and Alva, 3 and 6.

* I'm very much in favor of each family having their own rhythm and way of doing things, and if one needs a day off, it can be a big relief to be able to leave one's children. But we have it so that when we have free time, the children also have free time, says Tobias Jensen, father of Loa, 3, and Sigrid, 6.

1 / 3 I can certainly imagine that it might be easier to get things done if the children aren't at home, but I just want to spend my free time with my daughters, says Karina Viktoria Bøje Fruensgaard, mother of Lea, 4, and Mollie, 6. (Photo: Simon Heegaard Larsen, DR) 1 / 3 Generally, we are a little too good at keeping an eye on what others do or don't do. As an adult, one can certainly use some adult time in between, so sometimes it would be nice to leave the children and just have oneself to think about. But if we need a break, it's usually the grandparents we use. It gives both the children and the grandparents something, says Mick Villadsen, father of Ida and Alva, 3 and 6. (Photo: Simon Heegaard Larsen, DR) 2 / 3 I'm very much in favor of each family having their own rhythm and way of doing things, and if one needs a day off, it can be a big relief to be able to leave one's children. But we have it so that when we have free time, the children also have free time, says Tobias Jensen, father of Loa, 3, and Sigrid, 6. (Photo: Simon Heegaard Larsen, DR) 3 / 3

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Forget the Bad Conscience

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Even though Dil Bach has only followed one daycare, there is reason to believe that the same thoughts and tendencies are present in many of the country's other daycares. The rainy day with the daycare as a cozy place during the summer holidays combined with families with heavy time schedules makes her come up with a message.

- Some parents experience that they are met with condemnation and moralizing in society when they leave their children during the classic summer vacation periods. But we should have understanding for the fact that families often have good reasons, and that family life today is more fluid and has greater needs for flexibility than before, which does not always fit into daycare centers' rhythms and planning needs.

Dil Bach emphasizes that children need a break at some point.

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Misplaced Priorities or Resource-Poor?

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Back at Naturbørnehaven Græshoppen in Skovby, Kristina Haugaard listens to Dil Bach's points. She shares the opinion of a time ideal that dictates that the children are the center - in this case, Emilie and Oskar.

- It is very much the children in the focus and on their terms and conditions. So I can certainly imagine that I just need a break and a day off for myself. But then the thought comes that if I deserve a day off, so do the children.

And then there's what others think, and there is certainly a condemnation, says Kristina Haugaard.

- Why are you doing that, and what are you parents for? Or also thinking, are you resource-poor? Why do you have to leave your children?

Is it okay to take a week's vacation where one still has the children in daycare?

- I couldn't imagine doing it myself, but I wouldn't say there's anything wrong with it. One comes from different places and has different needs, so if it means that one can be a better parent for the rest of the year, then it's a good investment.

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