Ten years ago, officer Mia was on duty at Krudttønden: 'I want to tell my story and set myself free'

Friday, February 14, 2025 • 10:32 AM UTC - in Denmark

Mia looks the young man straight in the eyes. He stares back.

The man is wearing a down jacket, has a hat on his head and a large scarf wrapped around his neck. In front of him, he holds a firearm.

"I saw some eyes that were so focused," Mia recalls of the day exactly 10 years ago, when she, as a newly trained officer, stood guard at Kulturhuset Krudttønden in Copenhagen.

"When I stand there, right in front of him, I don't feel like a police officer. I'm just me," Mia says.

On February 14, 2015, Denmark was hit by terror when the 22-year-old Omar El-Hussein attacked both Krudttønden and a synagogue in Copenhagen. During the attack, the terrorist killed two people and injured several.

Since the attack on Krudttønden 10 years ago, Mia has tried to live with the experiences she had that day. (Photo: © Photo: Sille Veilmark/DR)

Although Mia was not hit by any of the 28 shots that Omar El-Hussein fired at Krudttønden, her life changed forever that day in February. The last 10 years have been haunted by the experiences of that day, which have overshadowed the life that Mia should have lived with her husband and their two children.

But now she has chosen to tell her story (https://www.dr.dk/lyd/special-radio/djaevlen-i-detaljen/djaevlen-i-detaljen-2024/djaevlen-i-detaljen-betjentens-mareridt-1-2-nu-skal-jeg-doe-16122492639 ) and face reality with fear, shame, and PTSD right in the eyes.

For now, Mia wants to live.

"I want to tell my story because I want to stop running. I want to set myself free, and I want to give myself permission to be who I am."

In the article, we only use Mia's first name, as she wishes to remain anonymous out of concern for her family. DR is aware of her full identity.

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"I was not in doubt that I was going to die"

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In the days leading up to February 14, Mia teased her colleague about what he might buy as a Valentine's Day gift for her. As all romantics know, the day is also Valentine's Day.

She was very surprised when he pulled out a Ritter Sport chocolate bar as a Valentine's Day gift when they met at the police station.

The Valentine's Day gift was put in her backpack, so it could be shared later that day, as the two officers were sent out to guard Kulturhuset Krudttønden, where, among other things, the Swedish Muhammad cartoonist Lars Vilks was scheduled to speak at an event on freedom of speech and censorship that same day.

The day was quiet. People were in good spirits. And at Krudttønden, Mia and her colleague's task was to visit guests who would participate in that day's event. They found nothing but a bottle of wine, which a guest had brought as a gift for one of the speakers.

"Suddenly, we saw the French ambassador come cycling past. My colleague and I talked about how it's only in Denmark that an ambassador can come cycling like a regular man without protection."

But everything changed in an instant when Omar El-Hussein stepped out in front of Krudttønden's main entrance.

Together with a colleague, Mia stood guard at Krudttønden, when suddenly gunfire erupted. Several of her colleagues were injured by the gunfire. (Photo: © Photo: Sille Veilmark/DR)

At first, Mia thought it was fireworks she could hear. But it was something completely different that had sharpened her senses.

She had to throw herself with her colleagues into cover as the bullets whizzed through the air and shattered glass from broken windows rained down on them in Krudttønden's foyer.

"Before I lay there, I wanted to have a gun to my head, which would have been a whole different set of feelings than the ones I had. It would have been rational to feel afraid or angry. To scream and shout. But I didn't do any of those things."

"I had a feeling of giving up. That it was up to someone else whether I lived or died. I was not in doubt that I was going to die right there."

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The world's greatest lie

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Omar El-Hussein's shots hit, among others, film director Finn Nørgaard.

In the days following the attack on Krudttønden, flowers were laid at Krudttønden. Among the bouquets was a picture of film director Finn Nørgaard, who lost his life when he was hit by terrorist's shots. (Photo: © Michael Probst, Ritzau Scanpix)

He had run out the back door when the gunfire began, and had tried to overpower Omar El-Hussein on the pavement in front of the cultural center.

Even though Mia remembers it as if she were paralyzed, her body did something else. First, it brought her into cover, and later her body ran almost on its own to Finn Nørgaard, who lay heavily wounded.

When Mia thinks back on the day, it is the seconds here that have burned themselves into her memory and left an open wound of guilt and remorse.

"I can hardly even say it, because it's so hard for me, but I take the risk and let the words come:

"I talk to Finn and promise him that it will be okay. It didn't work out that way at all. But I said it anyway, when he lay there and looked at me."

"Think about the fact that I said to him that it would be okay. It was the world's greatest lie, because it didn't. He died."

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"I don't deserve the life that grows within me"

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It was only when the terrorist had fled the scene that Mia again felt herself coming back to her own body. It was only here that she realized that several of her colleagues had also been hit by the gunfire.

One of them was Mia's colleague. Him, who as a joke had taken the Valentine's Day chocolate with her.

"It was wild to come in and see my colleagues lying there with blood everywhere. It was only when I later went to the hospital and saw him and could see that he was okay that I could take a breath again."

In the weeks following February 14, Mia has trouble sleeping.

And even though the days should still be spent on the police station and the streets of Copenhagen, something has changed within Mia. And when she wanders around the city, it is in a different way than before.

Mia runs and trains a lot, she listens to a lot of podcasts during the day, and she tries to be there for her loved ones. (Photo: © Photo: Sille Veilmark/DR)

"I avoid things. I, for example, stand on other platforms than the ones I usually do, because I start to think that Nørreport Station will explode.

"Suddenly, I start to distance myself from other people. And when we have an interview at the police station, I am afraid that there might be a bomb in the room that I could be attacked with. I start to see everything as dangerous."

And in the middle of the thought chaos, Mia suddenly feels something else.

She is pregnant.

And she can calculate that she was also pregnant during the attack on Krudttønden.

"It makes my thoughts go completely off track."

"During the entire pregnancy, I have a feeling that I don't deserve the life that is growing within me, when I just gave up during the attack and surrendered myself to death."

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I have become blind

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When her daughter is three months old, Mia will be alone with the little baby for a longer period of time. Mia's husband is a soldier and will be deployed to Iraq for seven months.

During the entire period, Mia prefers not to go outside a door. She even orders her daily groceries online, so she doesn't risk anything on the trip to Netto, which suddenly feels like the most dangerous place in the world to go with a baby carriage.

"I didn't even start going to my friends' houses, because I didn't know how I would manage the trip there. And if someone came late to an appointment, I was sure they were dead somewhere."

Even though Mia had many signs of post-traumatic stress disorder, PTSD, she could not see it herself. In the end, a psychiatrist finally gives her the diagnosis. She was angry when the four letters were put on her.

When Mia's husband returned from Iraq, she had to start working as a police officer again. But the first day back, one of her colleagues was shot on Christiania. On the way home from work, she had an anxiety attack and called in sick.

"I just wanted to be at home. But after my husband came home, he suddenly wanted to go to baby swimming and shop and do everything with the baby and all the stuff. But for me, Netto was the most dangerous place in the world to go with a baby carriage."

"Suddenly, I started to realize that something had happened to me. It was all messed up. I ended up going to the doctor, where I said that I had just become blind."

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10 years

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Mia has now realized that she may never work again.

And even though it feels shameful to her, her goal now is to be able to stand on her own two feet and face the reality that has become hers. With guilt, a diagnosis, and perhaps one day even an early retirement. For even five hours of work on the municipality has proven to be too much lately.

"My goal is to stop lying to others and to myself. That's why I'm sitting here now and admit that I broke down that day." For every single day I run from fear.

Today is exactly 10 years since Mia stood in front of Krudttønden. The day is special, and it takes a lot of energy to get through it. Just like almost all other days.

France's then-ambassador to Denmark, François Zimeray, was scheduled to speak at the event at Krudttønden and was therefore present when the shooting began. In 2018, the ambassador awarded medals to Danish police officers as a thank you for their efforts. Mia was one of them. (Photo: © Photo: Sille Veilmark/DR)

"I fill my days with all kinds of things to distract myself from discomfort. But I have become aware that I must go through the discomfort to set myself free. I must go through it if I am to be able to take my son to soccer games or go for a walk in Copenhagen with my daughter."

It all starts with being able to sit at home in peace and quiet. Be brave. And dare to let thoughts come.

"I also really enjoyed the fact that I could just sit and eat lunch with my husband."

Can you not do that now?

"No. Because as soon as it gets quiet, the thoughts and images start to come."

But something has changed over time: The images of Finn Nørgaard in Mia's head and her guilty conscience have faded.

"I felt incredibly guilty about his death. It has taken me a long time to stop seeing Finn's face as the last thing I see before I fall asleep and the first thing I see when I wake up. It has taken me a long time to place the responsibility where it belongs. But it is with Omar El-Hussein that it belongs, and not with anyone else."

The last 10 years, Mia has written a diary – and she still does. The dream of the future has also found a place on the pages:

You can hear Mia in DR's podcast Djævlen i detaljen, which in two episodes has told her story:

Warning: This article was translated by a Large Language Model, in case of doubt, you can always visit the original source.