At age 11, Puk Hoppe Søe became seriously ill with anorexia. She was influenced by what she calls the narrow view of health at the time.
- My entire daily life consisted of burning as much as possible and eating as little as possible, remembers Puk Hoppe Søe.
She does not wish to say how little she weighed when it was at its worst.
But she was so thin that her body reacted violently, says her mother, Anne Dorte Hoppe Søe.
- Because she had lost so much weight, her heart only had energy to beat at half strength. That meant Puk's fingers and toes turned blue.
Puk at Christmas 2017 with letters from classmates wishing her a speedy recovery. (© Private)
And it wasn't just physically that Puk had changed. It was also her personality, says her mother.
- I couldn't recognize Puk during the periods when it was going on. It was so far from the girl I knew,
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Hopes new research will help others
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Psychiatry in Region Zealand is launching a research project this October ( https://www.dr.dk/nyheder/indland/svampestof-skal-testes-mod-den-mest-doedelige-psykiatriske-lidelse ), where a group of test subjects with anorexia are being treated with psilocybin - a psychedelic substance found in several species of mushrooms.
Read also: Mushroom substance to be tested against 'the most deadly psychiatric disorder' ( https://www.dr.dk/nyheder/indland/svampestof-skal-testes-mod-den-mest-doedelige-psykiatriske-lidelse )
The intention is to bring the anorexia patients into a different mental state where they can gain some insights and other perspectives on themselves. And that is something Puk thinks sounds very exciting.
- There is a huge need for some alternative treatment methods. Because you can see that there are so many who struggle with an eating disorder who never fully recover, she says.
Puk's mother completely agrees.
- If this is a way to handle a mind that is so darkened and plagued by the terrible thoughts that an eating disorder brings, then I just think they should go for it, says Anne Dorte Hoppe Søe.
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Gain weight or take the punishment
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Today there really aren't any other forms of treatment for anorexia than psychotherapy, says the doctor behind the new research project.
And for Puk, the road out of anorexia took many years. In the beginning, the focus was primarily on being weighed, eating, and gaining weight.
- Today I would mostly call it symptom treatment. You could choose to eat, and if you didn't, you were punished, she says.
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> Life is about living, not about survival.
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If the anorexia patients didn't eat, they were deprived of the opportunity to go for a walk or participate in common activities in the department where they were hospitalized.
- And in the end, you would then have to catch up and eat even more food, says Puk.
In addition to the focus on gaining weight, Puk also received a lot of talk therapy.
- But I am unsure how much it really helps when you are already as sick as you are, she says.
What ultimately helped Puk through her anorexia, she believes, were the small insights she gained along the way in the process.
- It is just not worth it at all to live with an eating disorder. It is not a life. Life is about living, not about survival, she says.
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Working on a book
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Puk's first book, which was published when she was 15 years old. (Photo: © Trine Warrer Juul)
Another thing that helped Puk was writing down her thoughts in small diary entries. It resulted in her publishing the book "A Monster Moves In... and Out" at age 15.
Now, five years later, she is putting the finishing touches on another book about anorexia. This time, the personal account is supplemented with scientific theories about the disease and how it can arise.
- Since my first book, I have realized that I was far from healthy when I published it, and I have had several relapses, says Puk and continues:
- An eating disorder is so incredibly difficult to get rid of.
Therefore, the new book will be called "The Time After a Monster Moves Out"
Puk Hoppe Søe is putting the finishing touches on her second book about anorexia, which will be published in December. (Photo: © Trine Warrer Juul)
When the book is published, she will write a new chapter in her own life. After the New Year, she will begin her medical studies in Odense.
For now, the plan is to specialize in psychiatry.
- I will use my experiences to look behind the person with the diagnosis and know that mental disorders require individual treatment methods. Hopefully, I will contribute to a better psychiatry, says Puk Hoppe Søe.
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